


Singin' at Satan

by Pocket_Theremin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Humor, M/M, Santa Claus is Satan, Songfic, it's cannon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 11:56:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13213248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pocket_Theremin/pseuds/Pocket_Theremin
Summary: Reader is jamming out to their music, only for Lucifer to walk in. They take this as the perfect opportunity to annoy him senseless.





	Singin' at Satan

**Author's Note:**

> The song this is based on is called Santa Claus is Satan, by Aurelio Voltaire. A link for anyone who wants it: https://youtu.be/qzM-n04qLlQ

“ _Christmas is a special time, cause it’s the birth of Christ._ ” I sing happily to myself, swaying my hips along with the music. The bunker gets surprisingly dusty, what with it being so big and all, and no one else wants to deal with it. That leaves me to do all the dusting. I know I don’t have to, but I get in moods where I just want to clean for no reason. Plus, I get to hang this over the boy’s heads to get what I want.

“Actually-” I turn around and glare, seeing Cass in the doorway with a grumpy Lucifer.

“Shut up, it’s a song!” I say quickly, not wanting to miss the chance to sing any. I just ignore Cass’s offended, puppy-like look, but I can’t help smiling at Luce’s amusement. I turn away and pick up where the song left off, now singing at a normal volume. “ _-ship him in church, that would be nice, but instead, you are home. And that is because, you’re waiting for a jolly elf they call Santa Claus._ ”

“I have to say, your singing isn’t the best, but I am enjoying the view.” I turn around to see Luce on the couch, unabashedly checking out my butt with a smirk. I smirk and sway my hips harder.

“ _Some say he’s a saint, but I think it’s a trick! How do you get from ol’ Kris Kringle, to ol’ Saint Nick? Now ol’ Saint Nick is crafty, and you must be quick! Take away the ‘Saint’, and all you got’s Ol’ Nick!_ ”

“I don’t like where this song is going.” I can hear the amusement slip from his voice. I turn around and look him in the eyes with a smirk.

“Makes ya think, doesn’t it? _Santa Claus is Satan, and it’s clear to see. He don’t mind the raging fires in your chimney. You took a pass from Christmas Mass, and now you’re just home waiting for an elf to bring you wealth. Cause Santa Claus is Satan!_ ”

“Nope, definitely not liking this.” He deadpans, but I just keep smirking. I dance over to the couch, getting all up in his business. 

I laugh at his expense. Torturing Satan is fun. “Oh, you don’t believe me. Are my views too extreme? Seriously? An elf. Dressed all in red. Comin’ into your house at night, luring you away from the true meaning of Christmas. With things. Alright, maybe I can convince you on this next verse.” He deadpans harder.

I jump onto the couch beside him, and lay back onto his lap with my arm around his shoulder. “ _I know what you’re thinkin’, he lives in the North Pole. They ain’t got fire up there. Hell, all they got is snow! Just ask any Russian from a gulag and he’ll tell ‘Ain’t no mortal man can stand a place so cold as hell!’_ ”

“Can you stop now, please?” He asks, but I just continue to sing at him.

“ _He’s got nine familiars, and they pull his sleigh. Don’t you think it’s strange a reindeer should float that way? Rudolph with your nose so bright, tell me and don’t lie! What kind of devilry would make a reindeer fly?_ Oh, I know why!”

“Shut up or I’ll make you shut up.” I bring my face up to his and continue my song.

“ _Santa Claus is Satan and it’s clear to s-_ ” I stop, my eyes widening. Lucifer is kissing me. His lips. Are on my lips. This should not be happening. But it feels so wonderful. I close my eyes and lean into the kiss, causing him to do the same. I can’t help the weird noise I make when he shoves his tongue into my mouth. I lean further into the kiss, moving my tongue against his, and wrap my arms around his neck. I move to straddle his waist and he pulls me closer to his body, resting his hands on my butt. I start grinding into him, and it’s clear that the kiss is having just as much of an effect on him as it is on me.

“Um, guys. I don’t think Dean would appreciate it if you two started to have intercourse on the couch.” I immediately jump and whip my head in the direction of the voice, panting. Castiel is standing in the doorway, just staring at us. It’s so creepy.

“How long were you just standing there, watching us?!” I stare at him incredulously.

“Since Lucifer joined you in the room.” I sigh, muttering under my breath.

"Ugh, I need new roommates.” Well, at least he was decent enough to interrupt us instead of continuing to watch. Wait. “If we weren’t on the couch, would you have stopped us or just continued to watch?” Silence is his only response. Yup, definitely need new roommates.


End file.
